Full Of Grace
by dangersque
Summary: Oneshot. A little what if scenario. What if Kikyo came to ask Inuyasha for a personal favour. What would the fall out be? Not Kik/Inu.


I don't own Inuyasha or the characters within. All characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Entertainment.

* * *

"Stupid wench," a very cranky hanyou muttered to himself for about the twentieth time that day. "Already a day late... Got until sundown..." He paced around an old well, muttering to himself. Inuyasha looked at the wooden time portal, longingly. "Kagome..." he whispered. Suddenly, he saw something white and shimmering from the corner of his eye.

He stared confused at the flying white snake, which bobbed and weaved in the air, almost beckoning him. 'What's Kikyo doing here?' Inuyasha wondered. She tended to stay away from her old village, Inuyasha assumed it was because of painful memories; after all, who in their right mind would want to spend any time at the place where they died? The soul stealer started floating lazily away, occasionally looking back at Inuyasha, as if it wanted him to follow.

'What the hell?' Inuyasha thought to himself. 'It must be important, maybe she has some news of Naraku.' Inuyasha sighed and followed the flying snake, taking one last look at the well.

After walking for a few minutes, following the soul stealer, Inuyasha found Kikyo sitting in a clearing, surrounded by her soul stealers, looking like a picture of pure misery.

"Kikyo..." Inuyasha whispered.

The undead miko looked up at the faint noise, and allowed the ghost of a smile to cross her face. "Inuyasha," she said quietly, "I knew you'd come. You always come."

"Kikyo, what is it?" Inuyasha asked, worried for his old love. "This isn't like you."

Kikyo looked thoughtful for a few seconds, then replied bitterly, "no, I guess this isn't. Then again, I haven't been like myself for a very long time."

Inuyasha looked down at his feet guiltily, when Kikyo continued, "I don't blame you, you know. Not for any of it. Not anymore."

Inuyasha replied, "I don't see why you don't. If I hadn't been with you..."

"Naraku still would have found a way." Kikyo finished for him. "My powers diminished because of my own shortcomings, it had nothing to do with you, or us. You didn't kill me, you didn't bring me back, you didn't make me what I am now, and it was wrong for me to blame you."

Inuyasha looked like he was about to contradict her, but Kikyo beat him to it. "Only a few living people know about the rituals for bringing the dead back, there's no way you could have known what saying my name would do. Even if you did, you haven't been making me live off the souls of deceased women. I could have chosen to just let myself die again, you know, instead of selfishly clinging to what little life remained, living like a vampire. I had some time to reflect on things, and I've realized that I'm just so tired."

"What can I do, Kikyo?" Inuyasha asked. "I'll do whatever..."

Kikyo interrupted him again. "That's the problem with you, you shoulder the responsibility for everything that goes wrong, and all of your friends let you. Like I'm about to ask you..." Kikyo paused for a moment, trying to think of the best way to word what she was about to request. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha, this is terribly unfair of me to ask of you, but you're the only one I can trust with such a request. I need you to do one last thing for me. I want to die."

* * *

A huge yellow bag flew out of the well's opening, landing with a thud. A few seconds later, Kagome stuck her head out, grumbling. "Gee, thanks for helping me out, Inuyasha, that bag wasn't heavy at all. Why no, I'm not totally exhausted after the make up geometry, history, and biology tests, thank you for..." Kagome finally paused enough in her grumbling to notice that no one was there. "Huh, that's strange... Dog-boy's usually waiting for me, especially when I'm so late." She shrugged it off, 'must be at Kaede's with the others,' and started her long walk alone to the elderly miko's hut.

She finally reached the hut, taking a moment to drop her backpack and flex her shoulders to get out the kinks. 'Ugh, this thing is so heavy. I seriously need to cut back on the unnecessaries.'

She heaved the yellow monstrosity onto her back and entered the hut, talking a mile a minute, "hey guys, how'd you manage to keep Inuyasha away from the well? It's weird being here for a whole twenty minutes without getting yelled at!"

Sango looked up from her discussion with Miroku, to greet her friend. "Kagome, you're back! How were your tests? Sango asked as she and Miroku got up to take the heavy bag. "And what do you mean about keeping Inuyasha away from the well? We haven't seen him since yesterday. We thought he went to get you."

Shippo looked up from the drawing he was carefully colouring, "yeah. I mean, he was pacing around the well this morning; when I went to bother... I mean, when I was playing outside, minding my own business, with no intentions of annoying anybody."

Sango rolled her eyes. "Smooth save there, Shippo. But really, Kagome, we haven't seen him."

Kagome looked mildly surprised. "No, he didn't. He wasn't even at the well when I came back! I hope nothing happened to him!"

Miroku patted his young friend's shoulder, "I'm sure he's fine. Lady Kaede had some errands, perhaps she enlisted his help."

Kagome found this doubtful, "yeah, maybe," she muttered half-heartedly. "I need some air."

Shippo sprinted to Kagome's side, "I'll go with you. I wanna show you this picture I've been drawing! It's Inuyasha's face after I... played outside and minded my own business, and didn't annoy him..."

Miroku and Sango followed Kagome out as well, "It is a nice day," Miroku said. "There haven't been any shard rumors, so we can relax for once."

The group of four found a shady tree to sit under as Shippo regaled them with the tale of what he would have done to annoy Inuyasha if he hadn't been so busy minding his own business. "And that's when I learned a new word!" The young fox finished animatedly. "I mean, that's when I would have learned a new word if I hadn't been playing by myself, nowhere near Inuyasha!"

Kagome chuckled, and ruffled Shippo's hair. "You should know better than to harass Inuyasha when he's in a bad mood."

"But I didn't!" Shippo defended. "Didn't you listen to my story?"

Sango decided to butt in, "so Kagome, how was your school?"

Kagome let out a frustrated growl. "It was the worst! I had to do three tests today. THREE!" Kagome worked herself into a frenzy, "I stayed up all night just to study it all! And for what? When am I ever going to need to use Darwin's Theory of Evolution, how to find the volume of an octagonal prism, or the causes and outcomes of the French Revolution? Never! Unless for some insane reason I decide to spend the rest of my life in school and become a teacher! And what's with making all those books so heavy anyway? Don't they know that little schoolgirls have to carry them because their hardheaded hanyou friend decided not to follow their established routine and won't be where he's supposed to be when he's supposed to be there?"

Kagome's friends looked at her wide-eyed after her tirade. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself. "Sorry, I'm fine now. So how were things here, I already heard about how Shippo spent his time."

Sango shrugged. "Nothing eventful. Just a peaceful couple of days, after Inuyasha went to the well to sulk instead of glaring at us for breathing too loudly."

"I wonder where he is..." Kagome trailed off, looking into the distance. Suddenly her expression became downcast. "Oh..."

"What is it?" Sango asked, looking in the same direction that Kagome did, setting her eyes on the white snakes floating in the distance. "Oh Kagome, I'm so..."

"No, it's fine," Kagome interrupted, visibly trying to keep her emotions at bay. "I'm fine. Just a little cold..." She got up to leave.

"You don't have to..." Miroku started, only to be interrupted by Kagome.

"It's not that... I'm just cold. That's all." Kagome said, walking off, Shippo trailed at her heels, trying to cheer her up.

Miroku could only shake his head as Sango expressed anger on her friends behalf. "That stupid, insensitive, ungrateful moron! I can't believe he still goes off to her! He knows what it does to Kagome!"

Miroku put his hand on her back. "I'll talk to him about it later. After all, two hundred and fifty seventh time's the charm."

Sango glared at the man and stormed off. "Watch your hands, monk."

"But I didn't even get a chance to grope!" He yelled after the demon slayer. "No one gets me," he pouted to himself.

* * *

Inuyasha stood there flabbergasted. "You want a who in the what now?"

Kikyo gave him a long suffering look. "I no longer wish to walk this earth. I want you to kill me."

Inuyasha picked his jaw up off the ground, "you can't be serious. You've got so much left to do. There's... I mean, Naraku..." He tried to think up a good argument to change her mind, but was coming up with nothing.

"It's not my fight, Inuyasha," Kikyo replied. "I shouldn't even be here."

"But... I mean, I know it's hard. Living I mean... I know the world doesn't always work the way it should, and that life is sometimes harsh and cruel, but that's no reason to throw your life away!" Inuyasha's voice started to raise as he became more frantic.

"What life? I'm dead!" Kikyo argued back. "But, yet, I'm not. I walk, I talk, I think... But I don't feel. I can't taste, or smell, or sleep. I don't want to be in this in-between state anymore. And I don't want to be alive and become more of a perversion of nature than I already am. The dead have to stay dead." She petered out.

"But... What about me?" Inuyasha asked sadly.

"You have to finish moving on with your life," Kikyo replied softly. "We just weren't meant to be."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it!" Inuyasha replied angrily. "I have a hard enough time dealing with the fact that Naraku took my shape to kill you! How the fuck am I supposed to live with actually doing it?"

Kikyo took a step back, and recoiled as if she'd been struck. Inuyasha realized he was yelling at Kikyo, and took some calming breaths. "It's just... Fuck... Why me Kikyo?"

"Because I'm a coward." Kikyo said bitterly. "Please, I don't want to die alone. I just want to go peacefully this time."

Inuyasha stood there, considering what his ex-love had said. His lips quivered as he reached his decision. "Can I at least have some time to think about it?"

Kikyo gave the hanyou a small smile. "Of course. I'll be here tomorrow at the same time."

Inuyasha nodded and started to walk off, when something occurred to him. He looked back and asked, "If I decide to do it... Do you want me to bring Kaede?"

Kikyo considered this for a moment. "I won't stop you, but I'd prefer it if she didn't have to witness her sister's death twice."

* * *

Inuyasha was very subdued as he entered Kaede's hut, 'shit, how am I supposed to tell her? She's already lost her sister once.' He looked around at his friends, noticing that Kagome had finally made it back. He was so absorbed with Kikyo's request that he didn't even have the heart to give her a hard time about being late. He also had the distinct feeling that holes were being burned into him. He took note of the glares he was receiving, and commented, "if this is about anything Shippo said, he tried to..." He ducked the sword that Sango hurled at his head. "What the fuck, Sango?" He yelled, stomping over to her.

Miroku stood and intercepted his friend. He wasn't in the mood for a fight between his girlfriend and his best friend. He grabbed Inuyasha's arm, "Inuyasha, it might be best to just let it go."

"Let it go?" Inuyasha asked, amazed at the monk's advice. "She threw a sword at my head!"

"Not like it would have done anything," Shippo sneered.

Inuyasha growled at the little fox and made a move to smack him, when Shippo was grabbed by Sango and settled in her lap. "Don't punish him for speaking the truth!" She snarled.

Miroku tried in vain to calm the situation down, "it might be best if everyone calmed down, and put their concealed weapons back, Sango."

"Like hell," Inuyasha growled. "I ain't calming down until I know why everyone's looking at me like I just joined forces with Naraku and started eating babies!"

"Because you're an insensitive idiot!" Sango shouted.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Keh, whatever. I have enough things to deal with. I don't need your monthly problems added to it." He stomped from the hut and into the forest.

* * *

Inuyasha sat in a tree until well after dusk, he was busy contemplating his options. 'I could just say no... But those eyes... She's trusting me to do this, I can't refuse her. But I can't kill her either.'

"Why does all this shit always fall on me?" He grumbled to himself.

"Inuyasha!" Kaede's raspy voice called up to him. "You didn't come in for dinner."

"Keh, so? Believe it or not, I got my own dinners long before you were born, hag." Inuyasha called back.

"True, but you usually don't miss them, especially when Kagome's here with us. Also, Sango and the others were visibly angry at any mention of your name. Most unusual. Unless, my sister isn't involved, is she?"

"I did see her today." Inuyasha admitted. "And I'll see her tomorrow."

"You should perhaps think of how these meetings affect the others." Kaede said sagely, and started to walk away.

"Wait!" Inuyasha yelled. He leaped down from the tree, and sat on the ground. "There's something you should know."

Kaede turned and walked back, grunting as she joined the hanyou on the forest floor.

"I don't know how to put this..." Inuyasha started, "so I'm just going to put it bluntly. I'm killing Kikyo tomorrow."

Kaede didn't say anything for a few moments, her eye widened, and her mouth hung open. She was in pure shock. "You're doing what?"

Inuyasha looked down at the ground, "That's what we talked about. She asked me to end her suffering. They probably think I'm going to her for some perverted Miroku reason. They'll call me a two-timer, and get over it. But I only go because she usually has good information! I swear!"

"But this time..." Kaede trailed off.

"She sought me out because she wants to die, but can't bring herself to do it. And I can't say no to her." Inuyasha said bitterly. "And it her reasons make sense, I know they do. I know she's not really alive. But it's hard, especially when she's still walking around."

"I see. Will you be telling this to the others?" Kaede asked.

"Why? So they can hate me for even considering it? Or maybe they'll say good riddance and encourage me to do it." Inuyasha shot back. "I'm not even sure what would be worse."

"They're your friends, Inuyasha. I'm sure they wouldn't react like that." Kaede replied reasonably.

"I'm not so sure. They didn't know her, Kaede. They've damn sure never said a kind word about her. You can't tell me that they wouldn't be happy that she's no longer around for Kagome to torment herself over. I'm only telling you because you're her sister. So tomorrow I'm going to go to her, say goodbye, and end her life. Do you want to be there?"

"I don't think so, Inuyasha." Kaede replied. "My elder sister died when I was a child. Seeing it once was enough."

"I was afraid you'd say that." Inuyasha said quietly. "Kikyo doesn't want to be alone when she passes, so I'm going to stay there through it. I didn't want to be alone either. Can you do one thing for me?"

"If it's in my power," Kaede said.

"Do you think you can you just... Make me hate myself less for doing this..."

"Inuyasha," Kaede said, "your life is your own, maybe your death should be too. You see it as something you're going to do to her, but I'm sure Kikyo is looking at it as a gift."

"Death's not a gift!" Inuyasha protested. "I've killed enough things to know that."

"Aye, sometimes death is an abomination. But I've cared for enough of the sick and injured and watched enough of them pass away to know that sometimes it's a blessing. If she's finally tired of clinging to her life, and she wants to ensure that she dies somewhat happy and without suffering, you shouldn't hold it against yourself if you help her do it. Do you know how many times I've given extra herbs to dying people who told me they couldn't take the suffering anymore?"

"But... you're... Doesn't that go against everything you believe?" Inuyasha asked, confused.

"Maybe. And maybe I'll have to answer for that someday. But I refuse to feel guilty for ending someone's suffering. And you should tell the others. Give them a chance, they may surprise you."

Inuyasha thought on this for a minute before asking, "so... About her remains..."

* * *

The soul stealers were back the next day, floating lazily above the treetops. Inuyasha sighed, and with a heavy heart, walked toward them like he was carrying the world on his shoulders. Unbeknownst to him, Kagome and the others had also seen them, and a certain heartbroken miko was dead set on following him.

"Kagome," Sango tried to restrain her friend, "are you sure this is a good idea? This isn't going to end well."

"I have to know, Sango." Kagome said, trying not to cry. "It's crazy, I know."

"Just, come back, alright?" Sango asked.

Kagome just nodded, and trailed after her hanyou.

* * *

Inuyasha set the urn he was carrying down on the forest floor. "Kaede and I weren't sure if your body would stay intact, or turn to dust. She said either was possible."

Kikyo nodded. "So you'll do it?"

Inuyasha sighed. "What choice do I really have? Before I do this... do you have any preference on how to handle your body?"

"That's something I hadn't thought of. I don't want this to happen again... I think I would like it if you and my sister held a small ceremony, and scattered my ashes around the village."

"You got it." Inuyasha said. He brushed Kikyo's hair out of her face, "I'm glad I get to say goodbye this time."

He brought her in for a soft kiss. He ended the kiss and looked her in the eyes, whispering. "Goodbye Kikyo, I wish things had worked out better for us."

"Inuyasha," Kikyou whispered and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. "You can't look back. Now is the time to move on to better and happier things. For both of us."

"How do you want me to do this," he asked, still in the hug.

"Just make it quick." Kikyo responded.

Both of them were oblivious to the girl watching in the distance who suddenly turned and ran to the village in tears.

Inuyasha kissed her on the forehead and whispered, "close your eyes."

Kikyo complied and Inuyasha stepped back, readying his claws. Before he knew it, Inuyasha's claws ripped through Kikyo's neck and sent her head flying through the air. An entire life devoted to helping the sick and injured, protecting the weak, keeping evil at bay, had just ended in less time than it takes someone to exhale. Inuyasha looked down at his old love's disembodied head, and after taking in her peaceful expression, finally broke down.

* * *

Inuyasha delivered the body to Kaede. "She went peacefully. She was happy." He managed to choke out.

"That's all one can ever hope for."

Inuyasha wiped his eyes, "She wants her ashes spread around the village. I... I have to go."

"Inuyasha!" Kaede put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You did the right thing. I'll have the ceremony in five days, to give you some time to mourn, and compose yourself."

"Thanks Kaede." Inuyasha said quietly. "I'll be here, for that at least."

"What are you saying?" Kaede asked, worried about the hanyou.

Inuyasha sighed, "I'm just not sure that I can do this anymore."

* * *

Inuyasha walked back to Kaede's hut, intending on following Kaede's advice and telling his friends about what had just happened. He was immediately assaulted by the scent of Kagome's tears. 'Oh great, now I have to deal with this too.'

He walked in on a scene of Miroku, Sango, and Shippo trying futilely to comfort Kagome. At the sounds of his footsteps, the three looked up at him. Sango got up from her place on the floor and marched over to Inuyasha. "You stupid, oblivious, dog earred BASTARD!" She screamed, slapping his face. The slap actually echoed around the hut.

"What the hell?" Inuyasha snarled. "I'm not dealing with this shit. Not today." He readied his claws and made to move toward the demon slayer, but his feet were swept from under him by Miroku's staff.

"You will not harm her for trying to knock some sense into you," Miroku said tonelessly. Inuyasha moved to get up, but the head of the staff was at his throat. "Stay there. You aren't leaving this hut until we've all had our say."

Inuyasha made an annoyed face and casually batted the staff away. He was on his feet faster than the others could react. "Fine," he snarled. "You have something to get off your chest? Let it out!"

"Why Inuyasha?" Kagome croaked out, wiping her tears away. "You know how much it hurts me when you go to her. You'd be stupid not to. Why do you prefer a dead person to me? I put my life on hold for you and your stupid shards. I'm failing school, I'll probably end up living on the streets, or dead from some demon attack. And that's fine. I'll do it for you. But why aren't I good enough for you? Why do I keep catching you kissing her?"

"Me, me, me." Inuyasha mocked. "Has it ever occurred to you, Ka-Go-Me that not everything is about you?" Miroku and Sango looked like they were about to interrupt, but Inuyasha caught their intent. "Not a word. You have stuff to say? Well so do I, so be smart like the runt and stay out of it. First of all, Kagome, I don't have to explain myself to you. You're not my mother, and I'm not a child. What I choose to do and who I choose to see are none of your damned business. If you're allowed to hang around Kouga, and all that happens is me getting sat and called names for days, then I'm allowed to talk to Kikyo once in a while. And if I want to do more than talk, that's still fine. You don't own me, Kagome, no matter what these beads say."

Kagome looked at her crush, tears welling in her eyes. Inuyasha continued "Oh, you gonna cry? Sango, Miroku, WAH! As if I don't have to deal with enough, without you going to them and ganging up on me. Your life, Miroku's curse, Sango's brother, Kikyo's revenge, stopping Naraku from getting the Shikon Jewel and ruling the world. Not to mention, your _feelings_. Is there anything else you want to add? Some other burden that I'm not already carrying?"

Kagome quickly turned and bolted out of the hut.

"See what you did halfbreed?" Sango snarled out. "All because you're obsessed with some dead w-"

This time the slap that echoed through the hut was Inuyasha's. "You really don't want to finish that sentence."

Sango rubbed the area that Inuyasha hit, spitting out a little blood. "Why? Because you might have to face the fact that it's true? I love you to death, but you're so stupid it drives me crazy! She's dead! Give up on her!"

"I know she's dead, you bitch." Inuyasha screamed. "So is Kohaku! You just going to give up on him?"

This time Inuyasha was ready and he was able to dodge the punch. "You really are a bastard." Sango muttered, and stormed out of the hut.

"That really was out of line, Inuyasha." Miroku said.

"Oh shut up you nosy waste of a blowjob. When I want your opinion... I'll never want your opinion." Inuyasha replied nastily.

Miroku threw Inuyasha against the wall and pinned him there with his staff. "You might want to think on that for a while. You are very much in danger of losing what few friends you do have."

"You ain't my friends," Inuyasha replied bitterly, and pushed Miroku away. "You're hers. Otherwise I could have come to you for help. Well, fuck you all, I'm not dealing with your shit anymore."

* * *

A red clad figure silently slid into Kagome's bedroom late at night. He winced to himself as he caught the overbearing stench of her tears. He quietly left a scroll on her desk and made his way to the sleeping girl. He tenderly brushed the hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. "Goodbye, Kagome." Inuyasha whispered, taking one last look at her tear streaked face. He jumped out the window, and went through the well one last time.

A few hours later the wind blew her window shut, slamming it.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome sat up, confused. "Just a dream." She settled back into her bed, and noticed something sitting on her desk.

"What's this?" She wondered to herself, as she unrolled the paper and started reading.

"_Kagome, I'm sure by now Kaede has told you and the others about some recent events. And I just want to say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the things I said this afternoon, I'm sorry for hurting you to go see Kikyo, and I'm sorry for the pain this note might cause if you don't hate me already. I'm going to be long gone by the time you've started reading this note, so it's no use going back to find me. I'm leaving for a while, maybe for good. I'm not sure I trust myself to protect you and the others anymore. My heart's just not in it. I just want you to know, that you were always good enough. You were too good. And if I never get the chance to see you again, I want you to know that meeting you... It was worth getting pinned to a tree."_


End file.
